when silence becomes words

‘I am learning to see loneliness as a seed that, when planted deep enough, can grow into writing that goes back out into the world.” –Kathleen Norris, from Dakota

Let’s be honest: I don’t feel like writing right now. I just spent the past hour scrolling through my photos from the past five years. I thought I hadn’t gone anywhere or done anything, but I see that I was wrong. I thought I wanted to write about place because place has such an intense impact. Instead, the photos only reminded me of all the people I miss—the friends whom I never see or some even speak to or simply never heard back.

It’s true, I think, that we feel the loneliest when we are surrounded by people who love us. I feel very loved at this time in my life. I recognize that I could use both hands to count the number of people (non-related) who genuinely care about me. I’m not sure I could say that before. Even so, loneliness comes.

There’s nothing to be done about it. The people I want to be with are the exact ones with whom I cannot be. So I sit here and look at photos and wonder where they are now or if they ever think of me.

Who can say? But Kathleen Norris has it right—even in the deepest loneliness, the only thing to do is keep writing.

Word Count: 241